I’m chasing this feeling.
I wish I knew how to describe it to you. I wish I could tell you how it makes me feel, but I can’t. I can only communicate my experience through metaphors and symbols, but I can never communicate the experience itself; for that, you’ll have to feel it for yourself.
It feels a little bit like getting lost in the moment, like forgetting what’s around you. It feels a little bit like getting lost in the memory of something that never happened. It feels a little bit like everything around you is slowing down to a beat you never knew existed, yet one that reverberates within you.
It’s a little bit like a paroxysm, except that you don’t react to it, you only feel it. It’s a little bit like seeing colors in a video that you can’t see in real life with your naked eye. It’s a little bit like walking into a really big shop that is empty and that has really tall shelves which prevent you from being able to look over to the other-side.
It reminds me of a lone frog breaking the silence of the night with its croaks. It reminds me of a ray of the evening sun peeping through the curtains of a dark room filled with smoke. It reminds of the cold that isn’t cold enough to make you want to cover up. It reminds me of representing something that doesn’t yet exist around you.
It’s as intense as staring at somebody in the eyes and trying to figure out if they are thinking the same thing that you are. It’s as intense as burning your upper lip from taking a sip of water that you didn’t realize was so hot. It’s as intense as pausing for a second to delay a drastic move that you are about to make. It’s as intense as meeting somebody after a long time and wondering what your conversations will be about now.
It’s as fleeting as a fistful of sand. It’s as fleeting as a thought that you no longer remember. It’s as fleeting as the time you took to read this sentence, time that you can never get back.
It’s the feeling of nothingness. It’s a feeling that defies the very existence of other feelings. It’s a feeling that there’s more and at the same time, it’s a feeling that there’s less.
Are you confused? I don’t blame you. You probably haven’t felt it yet. I wish I could tell you how to feel it, but I can’t. I can only communicate my experience through words and sceneries, but I can’t communicate the experience itself; for that, you’ll have to feel it for yourself.